Tired of the Dating Game? How to Date Without Losing Yourself

Obsessively checking your phone to see if they’ve texted back.

Calculating how soon you can respond—or trying to manufacture the perfectly worded message.

Going on “meh” dates and wondering why you even bothered spending the time, energy, and money.

Sitting at home alone, trying to keep loneliness at bay… while quietly wondering if you’re going to die alone.

😅

Dating can be fun and exciting…
but it can also feel like managing a second job while riding an unstable emotional rollercoaster.

So if you’re tired of the dating game, here are a few thoughts to help you change the game.

1. Putting yourself out there (yes, unfortunately)

As much as I wish this was not the case (truly)…
we are not going to meet someone by trying to manifest them into our lives while sitting at home meditating on a Friday night.

At some point, we have to put ourselves out there.

And we have to be willing to ride the waves that come with it.

That means:

• some rejection

• some disappointment

• some “what was that?” moments

• and some lessons we didn’t ask for

But if you can approach dating with a little more lightness—it changes everything.

Not every person you meet will be the relationship of your dreams. That person is a rare find.

Most people won’t be “your person.”
And that’s not a tragedy. It’s information.

Putting yourself out there teaches you who you are, what you want, what you tolerate, and what makes you one hell of a partner. 😉

And here’s the reminder so many of us need:

It is not up to the other person to decide whether you’re good enough to date.
It’s your job to decide who gets access to you.

Why would you choose to date someone who doesn’t value you for you?

2. Stop treating people like transactions

One of the greatest challenges in modern dating is that we treat people like transactions instead of human beings.

We swipe left and right like it’s a game.

We ghost people like they’re disposable.

We chase the next best thing instead of cherishing what’s right in front of us.

And then we wonder why dating feels shallow, disconnected, and exhausting.

You don’t have to participate in that energy.

Dating works better when you stay human.

3. First dates shouldn’t feel like job interviews

How many of you have been on a first date that felt like an interview?

“So… how many siblings do you have?”
“What’s your favourite colour?”

…THIS IS BORING!!!!!! 😭

And honestly? I don’t fault you for losing interest and going right back to the app.

Because when dating feels scripted and surface-level, it’s hard to feel anything.

But here’s what actually makes people thrive—and what brings out the best (and most attractive) parts of ourselves:

- feeling safe
- feeling comfortable
- being able to show up authentically

If you want to see the best in someone, you have to create an atmosphere where the best in them can come forward.

That means:

• get curious

• ask interesting questions

• do something that feels alive

• laugh

• be a little real

• speak to their heart, not their résumé

People don’t fall in love with checklists.

They fall in love with experiences.

4. Say what you feel (without turning dating into a chess match)

You don’t need to bare your soul on the first date…

…but being honest in a playful way is a game-changer.

If someone looks beautiful to you—tell them.
If you want to see someone—express it.

People aren’t going to fall in love with you if you’re playing a chess match like:

“When they text, I’ll text.”
“When they take 6 hours, I’ll take 8.”
“I’ll pretend I don’t care, so I don’t get hurt.”

If getting out of your head and into your heart is “too much” for the person you’re dating…

LET THEM RUN.
They are not your person.

And they are not going to be the one to love you deeply.

5. Self-love isn’t something you finish before you date

For a long time, I told myself:

“I have self-work to do.”
“I need to discover self-love.”
“And until I get to some magical point… I’m not ready to meet someone.”

But here’s what I’ve learned:

Even if you feel confident and strong on your own, dating requires vulnerability.

And vulnerability will trigger insecurities sometimes.

It will bring up:

• fear of rejection

• comparison

• self-doubt

• longing

• uncertainty

That doesn’t mean you aren’t healed.
It means you’re human.

Self-love is built through resilience.

And resilience is built through real experiences.

6. Dating is where your “least evolved” self will show up

Let’s be honest.

Dating is a breeding ground for your least evolved self to show up.

Because uncertainty activates:

• insecurity

• control patterns

• impulsivity

• fear

• old attachment wounds

This is where people self-sabotage good things.

Not because they want to.

But because their nervous system is trying to protect them.

So here’s a powerful question:

In what ways could you be a better partner?

Not in a shameful way.

In a grounded way.

Because having standards is healthy.

Standards show self-respect — and that is sexy.

But it’s also worth asking:

How many of the qualities you want… are you embodying?

7. You don’t attract what you want—you attract what you are

There’s a shift that happens when you stop searching for what you don’t have…

…and start becoming what you want to experience.

If you want vulnerability:
be vulnerable.

If you want authenticity:
be authentic.

If you want emotional depth:
practice emotional honesty.

And what it means to “be” what you’re looking for isn’t just how you act on a date.

It’s how you show up in your life.

A final reminder (because you need it)

My hope for you is that you will give yourself permission to be real.

To be raw.

To be human.

To embrace all of you.

Because that is what radiates beautiful energy.

And that’s what attracts the kind of love that actually feels safe, steady, and true.

Vulnerability is the new sexy.

With love,
Katrina Shaw

Quick FAQs

Why do I get anxious waiting for a text back?
Because uncertainty activates the nervous system. For many people, it triggers attachment fears and overthinking loops.

How do I stop playing games in dating?
Start by telling the truth in small ways. Being honest early filters out people who aren’t emotionally available.

Does therapy help with dating anxiety?
Yes. Therapy can help you strengthen boundaries, build self-worth, and understand your attachment patterns so dating feels less activating.