Shadow Work: What It Is (and How It Actually Helps You Heal)
Shadow work has become a popular phrase lately — especially online.
Some people associate it with spirituality.
Others assume it’s “too deep” or a little intimidating.
And some people hear it and think:
“Isn’t that just therapy?”
In many ways… yes.
Because when we strip away the trendiness, shadow work is simply this:
learning to meet the parts of yourself you’ve learned to avoid.
And when it’s done in a grounded, compassionate way, it can be incredibly healing.
What is “shadow work”?
Shadow work is the process of bringing awareness to the parts of yourself that you’ve learned to:
hide
suppress
deny
judge
reject
avoid
Your “shadow” isn’t bad.
It’s not wrong.
It’s often the parts of you that got shaped by:
shame
rejection
trauma
pressure
emotional survival
childhood expectations
feeling like you had to be “good,” “strong,” or “easy”
Sometimes the shadow is made up of emotions like:
anger
jealousy
sadness
fear
neediness
insecurity
grief
And sometimes it’s made up of traits like:
sensitivity
softness
desire
boundaries
confidence
intensity
vulnerability
In other words:
your shadow is often the part of you that had to adapt.
Why do we develop a shadow?
Most of us didn’t grow up in environments where all emotions were welcomed.
We learned what was “acceptable.”
We learned what got us love.
We learned what got us approval.
And we learned what got us criticized, punished, or ignored.
So we start unconsciously editing ourselves.
We push certain parts down.
We become “fine.”
We become capable.
We become high-functioning.
We become who we needed to be.
And the shadow becomes the storage room for everything we didn’t feel safe being.
What happens when we avoid the shadow?
When you avoid your shadow, it doesn’t disappear.
It usually comes out sideways.
It can show up as:
anxiety or panic
self-sabotage
people-pleasing
perfectionism
emotional numbness
addiction / compulsive coping
overthinking loops
relationship conflict
rage that surprises you
feeling “stuck” no matter how hard you try
A lot of people are doing all the “right” things…
but still feel heavy inside.
Often, it’s because something in them needs to be met — not managed.
Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself
This is important:
Shadow work is not about becoming “better.”
It’s about becoming more whole.
It’s about integration.
Instead of:
“I shouldn’t feel this.”
It becomes:
“This makes sense.”
Instead of:
“I’m too much.”
It becomes:
“This part of me wants love and safety.”
Instead of:
“I need to get rid of this.”
It becomes:
“I need to understand this.”
Healing doesn’t happen through self-rejection.
Healing happens through self-connection.
What shadow work looks like in real life
Shadow work can sound like:
“I keep getting triggered — what’s underneath this?”
“Why do I feel so reactive in relationships?”
“Why can’t I rest without guilt?”
“Why do I feel like I have to perform to be loved?”
“Why do I get anxious when things feel uncertain?”
“Why do I people-please, then resent it?”
“Why do I push people away when I want closeness?”
Shadow work is the willingness to stop judging the behaviour…
…and start listening to what it’s protecting.
A grounded way to understand shadow work (parts work)
In therapy, shadow work often overlaps with “parts work.”
That means recognizing we all have different parts of us, such as:
the perfectionist part
the protector part
the anxious part
the shut-down part
the people-pleasing part
the inner critic
the angry part
the part that doesn’t trust anyone
the part that longs for closeness
These parts didn’t come from nowhere.
They exist because they were needed.
And most of them are trying to help — even when their methods are messy.
How to start shadow work gently (without spiralling)
You don’t have to do deep emotional excavation to start.
Here are simple starting points:
1. Notice what you judge in yourself (or others)
Judgment often points toward the shadow.
Ask:
“What am I afraid it would mean if I allowed this part of me to exist?”
2. Get curious about your triggers
Instead of “Why am I so dramatic?” try:
“What is this protecting?”
“What does this remind me of?”
“What does this part of me need right now?”
3. Name the feeling underneath the reaction
Many reactions are surface emotions.
Underneath might be:
fear
shame
grief
loneliness
tenderness
longing
Naming the real emotion is often the beginning of healing.
4. Replace shame with compassion
Try this sentence:
“This makes sense.”
Not forever. Not always. Not as an excuse.
But as a nervous-system truth.
Because most of our patterns came from survival.
5. Choose one small act of integration
Integration can be small:
saying no once
resting without earning it
letting yourself cry
admitting you need support
telling the truth gently
allowing yourself to want something
Shadow work is often less about “doing more”…
…and more about stopping the inner war.
Shadow work can be deeply freeing
When you meet your shadow with compassion, something changes.
You become less reactive.
You stop fighting yourself.
You start trusting yourself.
You create relationships that feel safer because you aren’t hiding.
You soften into who you are — not who you’ve had to be.
You don’t become perfect.
You become whole.
How therapy can help
Shadow work can be powerful — but it can also bring up old pain.
Therapy provides a safe, supportive space to do this work without doing it alone.
Therapy can help you:
understand your patterns with compassion
work with anxiety, shame, and emotional overwhelm
build nervous system regulation
process old wounds that shaped your coping
develop self-trust and grounded confidence
integrate the parts of you that have been exiled for years
At Carbon Psychology, we support clients in Calgary with therapy that’s both grounded and deeply human — focused on real change and real healing. Book a consult or get matched with a therapist.
Quick FAQs
Is shadow work spiritual or psychological?
It can be both. In many ways, shadow work aligns closely with therapy concepts like parts work, trauma healing, and emotional integration.
Does shadow work mean something is wrong with me?
No. It usually means you’re human — and you’ve adapted. Shadow work is about understanding and integrating, not fixing.
Can shadow work help anxiety?
Yes. Many anxiety patterns come from suppressed emotion, fear, or protective coping. Integration can reduce inner conflict and help your nervous system settle.